Parenthood is, as they say, the best thing that can happen to a person. Waking up to this little girl trying to squirm into your arms, or kicking you in the stomach, trying to find a comfortable place for herself is gratifying. Watching her learn things such as numbers, shapes, colors, and alphabets fills me with pride. Especially that she cannot really make conversations yet. But with the four mentioned, and the nursery rhymes that she sings in a far better tune than her mama, I look forward to the debates that we will be having in the near future and hopefully for a long, long time after.
Watching their children grow, and eventually letting them go must be hard for parents. Even if they are prepared for this, and wish this for their children, the empty-nest syndrome is actually real. Parents feel that they are no longer needed and succumbs to depression which sometimes led to illness or death. But that is only a feeling I have right now.
The past week has been trying, and I hate COVID now more than ever. As I listen to my brother recite things that are happening to our mother, from the house until she was brought to the hospital. The feeling of helplessness of not being able to give support or assistance to this 'kid' brother you always tease to be the 'irresponsible' one is overwhelming. Even if he tries to give you decision-making authority and allow you to decide things for mama's health care, it is not enough.
And as things take turns for the worst, and there is nothing you can do really except pray. Is it really normal to lose one's parent right after the other? Or is it just me, having a defeatist attitude and already trying to accept this scenario even if it did not happen yet.
As grown children now, deciding their mother's fate, it's a wry feeling.
We had hoped to be children for a 'long', long time and even with the baby, I had hoped to call somebody and ask for advice whenever I need it. Or simply because I need to talk.
And as COVID denies us the chance of 'seeing' Mama through this or even saying 'goodbye' if it comes to that. All I can hope is that, my parents did rear 'strong' children that can push through things even if it seems hopeless now.
P.S.I wish to write lots but the tears started falling, so let's reserve things for the next one.
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