7 by 7 for our 7th

Yesterday as I was writing this post while in the playground with Ithlinne, I was actually finding it hard to find TRIALS within the relationship. So I just penned down the HAPPENINGS that most likely made changes in the relationship. 

Today is our 7th anniversary as a married couple. This year (and the last few) has given me things to think and feel about. 

In chronological order, here they are:

1. On our first anniversary, we decided to have a child. Nine months later, we had Ithlinne. The pregnancy and the birth itself were smooth sailing and we did not have many problems at all. Ithlinne as a baby was also not difficult. She did not get sick often pero kung maghilanat 40 gid yah. Generally a well-behaved child with just enough curiosity. She had a yaya by 1-year-old as she started walking at 11 months. And I was already traveling to the city for work, and indi mu na siya pwede ibutang lang sa kuna para maka work ka man. 
   
   
2. We lost  1.5 of our parents before Ithlinne's 3rd birthday. We only have your nanay now. For a while, I have been at a loss on what to do. I lost the people that I always confide in and rant on if the goings get too difficult for me and I need to vent. I sometimes feel that I put the little things into BIG things and no one is there to tell me it's OK. As your mode of asking yah is 'Sakto to haw?'.
   
   
3. In the last 2 years, I failed to finish my PhD. I am at the dissertation stage and am incapable of finishing my proposal for the defense. I have been procrastinating and being lazy really. Next semester will be my last semester for the PhD program timeline. I will not be graduating. I am manifesting incompetence and I hate that I am but I am failing to correct myself. 
   You have been applying for another graduate degree abroad since what you want is not being offered here in the Philippines. so far, you also suffered rejections and we are still waiting for the review of the other universities you have applied to.
   
   
4. This year, Ithlinne and I have been active in the Christian community and tried to attend the Saturday fellowship religiously. Next year, I am hopeful to re-introduce Ithlinne to church-going as part of the routine, as we put the COVID fear of being in crowds behind us. 
   
   
5. I also went back to teaching this year. After 2 years of hiatus spent on a year of comprehensive exams and a year of writing the concept paper for the dissertation. It was a juggle for a while since some are online classes and others are face-to-face so I have to travel again. But I think, the routine so far has been OK.
   
   
6. Last month, we agreed to give Ithlinne a sibling as she has agreed to it also. And is insisting on a  baby 'sister'. I hope by next year, she'll have that or a baby boy. We are not really picky.

   But as with the dissertation In God's perfect time, HE will surely say YES!
   
   
7. Last year, we knew that Ithlinne was not a normal child in comparison to her peers. We know that she has developmental delays. We sent her to school so she could learn how to socialize with other kids. We tried to minimize her screen time but failed for various reasons we gave ourselves. This week, a specialist confirmed what we already know. Our baby indeed has developmental delays, she is 2-3 years old, younger than the 5-year-old she really is. On top of this, she is in the autism spectrum disorder Level 1. We celebrated that at 2, she has mastered all her basics, and at 5 she can read and comprehend simple sentences, but these are actually signs of having the disorder. However, I think the most telling sign is working on puzzles way to advance for her age and insisting on doing it from left to right top to bottom manner.

So far, these are I think the most pressing and have been our guide posts in navigating this parenthood journey. And now, for the things that I am thankful for, I can list more than SEVEN, but let's stick with the plan.

I am THANKFUL FOR

1. Ithlinne, as she gave our parents a chance to become grandparents before they passed, and so Nanay has one spoiled 'apo'.
   
   
2. the MENTAL Capacity, to pursue graduate studies for both of us.
   
   
3. the Financial Stability, that we have been able to provide for ourselves and for our KIN in need.
   
   
4. Family and Friends, who despite our not 'being there' most of the time do not pressure us to check in on them all the time.
   
   
5. WORK, which gave us our finances but actually also allowed us to showcase our talents and skills.
   
   
6. waking up every day and hopefully being a blessing to the people who in one way or another need us to be at our BEST.
   
   
7. Lastly, I thank the Lord for giving YOU to ME even though 12 years ago, I felt that I did not really NEED anybody.
1. I am sorry for being flippant and for NOT being the EARS or the WIFE you hoped to have but still stick with.
2. Thank you for being faithful to the relationship and the vows that we have made.
3. Thank you for being my ears and my comfort when I need them the most, and for giving it without being asked.
4. Thank you for the understanding and the patience that allowed me to pursue whatever I wanted.
5. Thank you for being with me through my ups and downs, especially this year nga daw down gid most. I hope that I  have been there for you as well. 
6. Thank you for sticking up for me through my thick and thin, though I know ma insist ka gid sa thin and sa normal BMI all through the years. 
   
7. Thank you in advance for being my weight-watcher and my conscience in the hopefully healthy journey that we still have to go through in this lifetime.

Ithlinne and I are thankful for you. We love you and we hope we have shown you how much!

Daghang salamat sa pagbasa!!! 

I post an article to de-stress.. :D

My Husband, the MOST Exasperating Person in My Life

To my husband, the most frustrating person in the world.

A few weeks back, I was asked how will you introduce the person closest to you?

I answered, That person would be my husband and siya ang pinakasabad nga tawo sa kalibutan.
(The closest English translation is exasperating)

This, my friends, is the most apt description of him. And I will never introduce him in any other way.

On my birthday, he asked ngaa ginpakaslan mu ko?

And I answered Kay sabad kaw.

He tried to probe but I never changed my answer.

In retrospect, I might have been annoyed to be asked in such a direct manner.

For me, feelings, other than anger, are hard to express.

Whilst traveling to and from work today, I decided to pen this message as an apology.

------------------------------

More than a decade ago, I met a guy who was skinny and totally undecided on what he wanted to do with his life. He was moonlighting as a designer and seller for a pyramid scheme-based company. 

With this premise, I have been witness to the growth of a boy to a man who has dedicated years to honing his design skills to be on par with the best in the world and has landed the job to prove himself so. He has been lauded not just by bosses, but also by colleagues in the industry and has the merch to showcase it.

I've been with a guy who berates everyone for being disloyal to their words and deeds.

But is steadfast in his dedication to his family and is true to his responsibilities as a father.

He never shied away from being the stay-at-home Dad despite being busy with his job/s.

He made sure that he could provide for me to engage myself in a career that in this country does not really pay in terms of money but rather in the joy of educating young minds. He has made sure that our kid/s can actually have the future they want and need to survive in this harsh time.

I am married to a husband whose mistresses are, playing basketball, playing video games, or working. And I applaud him for being faithful to me and to our marriage despite being egged on by 'friends' to be otherwise.

When we got married, we promised to stay healthy. So if I forget, I have a reminder who makes sure that I get enough sleep, enough food, and exercise in my system. And well, I cannot really say NO since the gym in our house is not only for show. He uses it at most four times a week.

And I am thankful that though we still fight most of the time over the silliest things.

I made the good decision of choosing this guy who I know works hard every day for his goals and dreams and we are the lucky recipients of his efforts.

I chose someone who adores me and reminds me all the time how he thinks of me as the most beautiful person in his life too.

P.S. Indi niyo pagsugid kay TOTO mga sekreto niyo kay gina-MARITES niya na sa akon and unfortunately, I MARITES back.

Daghang salamat sa pagbasa!!! :D

Achievements

    A few weeks back, I was asked to submit a CV (Curriculum Vitae) for a guest lecture. The invitation was a surprise and I was actually a bit apprehensive since I felt that I was not qualified enough to be invited as a lecturer for faculty members of other colleges. However, through the supportive comments of colleagues and the organizer, I accepted the invitation to lecture on Statistics and tried to make it easy.

    Back to the CV, I prepared the usual Education, Career Experiences, and Interests. It was not much really, and a very short CV was submitted to the institution. 

    On the day of the talk, the head of their math department read the said CV in front of everyone to introduce me as the guest speaker, and I felt that I actually had enough achievements in life. Not as much as others but actually enough to qualify to be a speaker for forums.

    I actually had been a panelist and statistician for research works. I have been involved in the thesis and dissertation writing of other people, myself included. And I have been a teacher for a time, not too long but enough to know how to hold a class' attention.

    And the BEST part was being understood on what I was trying to put forward and being liked while doing it.

    So to the Western Institute of Technology, College of Arts and Sciences Faculty, and their guests, Thank You very much for the invitation to share Statistics for Research on your forum.

    This too was a milestone and an achievement for me.

Daghang salamat sa pagbasa!!! 

I post an article when I am de-stressing ... :D

Why Leni Robredo will not win against BBM in Bukidnon?

Or at least that was the original title when I first decided to write this post. And I had good reasons too.

First, most of my high school schoolmates and people I know from my barangay in Bukidnon are very vocal about their support for BBM on social media. Only a few HS persons are rising up in defense of Leni Robredo. The video of Robredo's rally in Bukidnon is tame compared to her rallies in other parts of the country. It was also way smaller compared to the rally held by BBM at the capitol grounds.

Second, no matter how hard we campaign against political dynasties so #notoBBM against the Marcos Dynasty, #notoDuterte for Sara, the people of Bukidnon have lived with political dynasty.  They see nothing wrong with this. For as long as I can remember, a Zubiri has run the province as Governor and Congressmen across all districts. 

Third, growing up I am always told by our elders that the Marcos regime during Martial Law was the best thing to happen in Bukidnon. "Nagkasuga ta tungod nagpatakod c Marcos ug mga poste. Nagkatubig ta kay gisugdan nila ang Water District. Gipaayo nila ang irrigation System sa NIA. Gipasemento nila ang National Highway." And of course, no one really discusses that these were achieved because of billions of pesos borrowed and stolen from the Filipino people. Nobody talks about the lavish lifestyle of the Marcoses during those times either. Even answering crossword puzzles, which was a hobby of mine since Elementary where Imelda Marcos is an answer for her shoes and jewelry and bags, did not present new information to me. It's just one of those facts you remember, so you can pen the correct letters in the right boxes. When I asked Papa about it, he just said that she holds the Guinness World Record for having the most number of those. The reason HOW can a presidential wife from a Third World country can afford those shoes was not mentioned at all. 

Fourth, Sibika and Hekasi, and in high school, Philippine History is a matter of rote memorization. We memorize all heroes' names, dates that are important, and the national things and people throughout history. Even the declaration of Martial and the subsequent People Power Revolution are just dates to us. No one explains the how and the why of these things. Why was there a martial law? Why did the People Power revolution happened?  So many hows and whys, but nobody asked any questions. History is a very boring subject growing up. Most of the people in the class are in dreamland during these classes.

I don't remember being inquisitive in high school at all. The only time I tried to ask a teacher about anything was for career advice because I wasn't sure what I was good at and was shrugged off. But I think in elementary and high school, I was just too engrossed in burying myself in book after book that asking questions was just not my to-go-to mode. I have always joked with Mama that if they can afford it, I would have taken a course that will allow me to read all the fiction stories in the world. Oh well, I can read all of them now!

Back to the topic at hand.

At least in college we were allowed to Marites about Rizals many girlfriends in Europe. And we had teachers that were open about their experiences during the Martial Law era.

So I've learned some of the atrocities that happened during Martial Law including the many many embezzled money by the Marcoses during the 20 years of reign in the Philippine government. 

And now the Bukidnon people who refused to listen to the people who give them facts about the lies told by BBM in his resume, are about to return him to Malacanang. One media influencer has the gall to call Malacanang Palace as Marcos residence. Bakit siya nagpatayo? Sa kanya ang titulo? Siya ba nagbabayad ng tax? 1750 po my Malacanang na, wala pang Marcos. This is the reason why things like #Majoha exist because content creators and people of influence make it so.

Anyway, I am always distracted by things in my head that are connected to things that I write, I always go off-tangent. If in a podcast, I would ramble on and on and leave the original topic in the dust. That's the reason why I prefer to write these things, for my peace of mind. 

Anyhow, my fifth reason why BBM will win in Bukidnon is because Sara Duterte is his running mate and people are sometimes clannish. Remember that Europe interview where the reason they are voting for BBM is because he is an Ilokano too. 

And I would have add, he won once before but LO and BEHOLD I was WRONG.

LENI ROBREDO ACTUALLY WON AGAINST BBM in BUKIDNON during the 2016 Vice-Presidential Elections.

So I hope that the people in Bukidnon will actually remember the choices they made in 2016 as it was not the wrong choice. As a woman who was shunned by the president for no clear reason to be part of his cabinet, she actually rose above the expectations of her office. She continued to do social work and had initiatives on how to address problems that the Filipinos faced especially during the pandemic. She solved problems without resorting to violence and threats. 

My favorite color is BLUE. But the good choice is PINK. 

Though it's not really about the color.

If she had run as yellow, I would have still supported her.

It's about the WOMAN and not her political party.

And if you think a woman cannot do things that men can.

Hinumdumi ang mga Nitib sa Bukidnon, mga babaye ang gabuhi sa ila kay mas taas ug kabuhi ang mga babaye. Ang mga lalaki nila, pinalangga ug mga walay ginabuhat.

Just saying.

Daghang salamat sa pagbasa!!! :D

Hey Mister!

Hi! It's me.

I am writing this post to gain a few laughs from you and hopefully a few tears since it has been a long time since you've shed a few of those.

Well, let's start.

It has been 10 years. And we have come a long way from that two just-out-of-college kids that dated each other a week before Valentines' so that they won't be alone on the Day of Love.

Who would have thought that the little dating experiment would actually lead to us being married? But hey, here we are about to celebrate Valentines' Day for the 10th time.

This 10-year relationship had survived trips, fights, so far married life, a baby, the death of 3 parents, and well the ongoing pandemic, of course.

We are in our early 30's and so far we have achieved almost all the things we've dreamed of when we started this relationship. And the things that we still want that are somehow beyond our grasp, we are slowly working on. But whether we achieve those or not, am just happy to say Thank You to you for making things possible for me. So let's review.

10 years ago. We started dating when I was fresh out of a relationship and you were still pursuing someone else. It might be seen as a betrayal but both of us do not really believe in the courtship process. Because, in the getting to know stage, everybody is on their best behavior. So you can not really see the ticks and quirks of people unless you are in a relationship. So that's why we just jumped on the dating wagon and hope that it will be a good ride. But we know that it wasn't. I am argumentative, and you actually do not want to lose. So most of the time, we have shouting matches, and we end up not speaking to each other for a few hours. This bad habit has stuck, and now our neighbors think that we are breaking up soon. Anyway, for us, it's just sort of therapeutic. After voicing out all the things we did not like, we chill. I spoke my mind, you spoke yours and now the argument is over. But I will be happy if we actually grow up and start discussing things like true adults without raising our voices. I am keeping my fingers crossed that that will happen sooner before the baby learned all our bad habits, and it is worrying because she has started eating milk powder after seeing me do it.

In a testament to this, I am not actually sure how many times Papa told me off for answering back when we have arguments during our vacations for Christmas. Or how many times PJ was asked what she does when we start arguing when she started living with us. But well, we cope where we can emotionally cope.

For the most part, this 10-year relationship has drawn out all our bad characteristics, and we are trying to 'fix' them. The fixing part is the grueling process because changing things one's self is really hard, especially if one believes that nothing is wrong with them :(. But one change at a time. Hopefully, in the next 10 years, we can have a little bit of progress.

10 years ago. Our common acquaintances were surprised that we know each other enough to be in a relationship. And gradually we have changed that. You became friends with my friends because that's how you do things. And well I know most of your friends enough to attach a face to a name. This pandemic sadly has limited our socialization with others except via Social Media which does not really work for me. You gained new friends and I am just really happy when people message me out-of-the-blue. And I am sorry, my friends, if you think I am neglecting all of you but I am a lazy person and I hope that the posts and updates I make on Facebook and Instagram are enough to let you know we are well. Nevertheless, me and Toto are just here in our little house and you can just drop in anytime with or without notice :D

10 years ago. I weighed 45 kgs and you weighed 48? I just know that we are both underweight based on our BMIs. We strive to become healthier together or at least hit our BMI frames for our respective heights. That's 50 for me and 60 for you. Remember that week, when we had the no-meat diet but wasn't really successful. I think we fold on the 3rd day. Or that Flat Pizza Craze that made you build that stone oven for, but otherwise we did not pursue. The No-Carbs Diet we argued the pros and cons on. The runs we did on weekends before Ithlinne came along. The gym set we bought, after computing and finding out that being a gym rat is actually more expensive in the long run compared to buying your own. Today, you still want to become the 'Golden One' and I simply refuse because Mister, giving you a massage these days is a workout in itself as those 'muscles' you gained are not really easy to navigate. Also, the challenge we gave each other before we got married, that we are not allowed to get 'fat' is paying off. As of January this year, we are in our BMI zones and hopefully, we keep it that way.

But I think the most important thing that made all our dreams a little bit closer is the financial freedom we've achieved. This was your cause and I was just a happy bystander whose only contribution was to send you links on how to start, proofread and edit your resumes, and support and cheer you up in the beginning when things were bleak and unsure.

10 years ago. We opened a joint bank account. We were actually unsure how will that turn out, but we did anyway. I have a list of all transactions of who deposited what and when. You know in case the relationship turned sour and we have to split our savings. It was not easy, we had parents to support, bills to pay, and ourselves to send to graduate school. We had to give up a lot of travel, and we withhold ourselves from buying anything unless necessary. But we did it, we saved enough money to actually buy a residential lot, and have a house constructed. Sadly, we zeroed our savings and did not have money left for a wedding.  We got married anyway. Recently we were discussing this, and we were asking if we did have the money for it, would we have splurged too? Anyway, we started married life without any money. But at least, we did not have any debt and we do have a house. So small victories.

10 years ago, we both work in the IT industry though in different fields. You stuck with it, though you also had different 'bosses' through the years, while I have switched careers. I am still unsure if I am good at this teaching thing. I am working on that, and with the surge lately of students asking for advice on their research paper hopefully is a sign that they actually liked me when I was teaching them :D

With the onset of the pandemic, we have been dreading running out of work as everything grinds to a halt. 2020 is the year where we spent the least amount of money in the whole 10 years of having joint finances. 

The good thing was, after a few months' delay, the university has opened its doors for online classes. I was all set.  But you were unsure of how things will work out for you as competition for remote work has gone up. Nevertheless, as Papa always said, Success is a combination of preparation and opportunity. Opportunities for fully remote work of some big companies have opened, and though the competition was many, you were the one most prepared for it. And I congratulate you for landing a job in a good company. And I know that you want to work for Mark Zuckerberg one day, but even if you can't, I still believe that you are the best in whatever you hope to achieve. 

And I will add this here.

10 years ago. You hated the office life of the employed, but hey look at you now, fully employed in one good company. But I think because it's from the house, it's slightly better for you :D

Anyhow, I am happy to share this lifetime with you and hopefully, you will agree without argument that Ithlinne needs to be fully independent by age 10. Thank you very much!

So 7 more years, yes! Though, if she is not by then, I will be the one to be blamed.

Anyhow, Happy Valentines Day!

~Jengator

Daghang salamat sa pagbasa!!!  :D

Political Shenanigans Part 1

Because I saw this in my Facebook News Feed (https://www.gmanetwork.com/news/news/nation/802955/duterte-threatens-to-stop-all-gov-t-transactions-with-philippine-red-cross/story/), and is angry right now. 

So I need to vent but do not want to sully my news feed.

----------

I have been triggered with political posts the last few weeks/months but did not really comment on anything since I have a very private FB account, and only a few people have access to it as I always try to trim my list of friends to a thousand.

But today right after yesterdays' post, the news feed is again bad. 

And so this open letter is addressed to the president.

Ganito na po talaga ang mindset niyo ngayon.

Hindi kita binayaran so wala akong pakialam sa yo, hindi ka nga e-exist.

Parang inamin na din no kung anu po ang purpose ng '15B' na hindi pa na-iexplain - gagawing pambayad.

FYI, Mr.President, malaki po ang utang na loob ng mga tao sa Red Cross especially this pandemic na hindi ka basta-basta makahagilap ng tao to donate blood and plasma for a relative hospitalized for whatever reason.

Pede lang pong utangin yan sa Red Cross to be paid later.

Ang binabayaran po sa Red Cross is ang processing at storage po ng dugo and plasma na dino-donate po sa kanila kasi nga po diba hindi naman po sila binabayaran ng gobyerno to exist.

Pero siyempre kelangan nila ng storage facilities across the nation plus allowances pa po ng mga volunteer nila. Kasi nga po wala naman silang 'budget' from the government aside from the few donations.

And if kailangan pang i-liquidate ang donations na yun, I think that would be fine.

Pero do not stop government institutions from coordinating with Red Cross po lalo na ang mga government hospitals. Pero as usual, wala naman po kayong pakialam.

Kaya nga po na-cut na naman po ang UP Budget at binigay lahat sa Defense noh?

UP sponsors  the PGH po, baka hindi din po kayo aware.

Sila po ang ngca-cater ng mga COVID patients at ang genome facility ng Pilipinas po is under UP din po, sila namana po ang nag-aaral ng gene mutations ng Covid sa Pilipinas.

Pinagmamalaki niyo pa naman din na ng mga supporters mu that compared to other middle-class countries, the response of the Philippines is good/effective.

Pero ang mga directly concerned po sa rating na ito, especially the frontliners, hindi na nga naswelduhan, hindi pa nabigyan ng appropriate hazard fee.

Plus ang overpriced pa na PPE mula sa never-heard po na company. 

Kaya galit kayo sa PRC noh? Kasi ang administrator niya ngayon ang nagtatanong?

Also po, wala pong winarat ang COA dito. They were doing their job and posting discrepancies. Kung wala kayong maling ginagawa po, di sana inexplain kung saan napunta nag 15Billion na yan kasi diba at the start of the pandemic nangutang po tayo ng pera for pandemic response.

Tapos, nawala lang? Istop niyo na din ang pabahay na pakulo ng DOH para sa mgpavaccine, mas effective po ang pang-gasolina or pangkain para mgpavaccin sila.

Mas marami pa kayong matutulungan kaysa sa Overpriced naman na bahay na ibibigay niyo sa mananalo.

Ibabawas niyo po ba yan sa 15B na nawawala?

Kung sa classroom to, pag nawala ng 'treasurer' ang pera, binabayaran niya yan from their own pockets.

Pero 'nawala' ni Sec. Duque ang pera, I will stand by Duque ang response niyo po. So dapat tulungan mu siyang mag explain niyan or magbayad niyan kasi malaking classroom naman po ang Pilipinas.

Next year nga po diba, tatakbo ulit kayong Vice-President.

Bakit kaya hindi niyo na lang gawin ang planu niyo as Vice President ngayong President pa po kayo?

Baka kasi ma-Leni kayo next year. Cut-off from all government duties by the president, including her own Office Functions such as serving as a Cabinet Member of the president and an executive committee in the National Defense Council.

Anyway, paang hindi na po ako galit.

So last few notes na lang po.

Last year pag-umpisa ng pandemic at wala pong stocks.

A lot of private citizens had take-on the challenge of providing cheap but effective PPEs for frontliners pero shinutdown niyo po kasi nga me Pharmally.(BTW ang Pharmally na to me Hundreds of Thousands na budget pero Billions order ng Government sa kanila, anu yun rolling-out of funds lang?)

UP worked on a testing kit to be used for mass testing pero kinancel din po.

Private corporations banded together to provide food for frontliners pero wala din pong nagyari.

Also, private companies sought the approval of the country to provide vaccines for their employees pero hindi niyo din po inapprove  kasi dapa mula sa government lang.

Kaya ngayon po ang ating vaccinattion percent is 15% compared to the target which is 90%. With the rate we are going po, in the next 3 years pa po bago ma-reach ang 90% na yan.

Yun lang po.

Daghang salamat sa pagbasa!!!  :D

Farewell, Mama

When I wrote Papa a farewell letter a year after his death, I knew that sometime in the future I will be writing one for you, too. It was in my mind, in the VERY VERY FAR FUTURE.

However, here we are a year and a half later. Trying to pen this post without actually shedding a tear.

It was too soon. 

I had hoped for years and years of spoiling you after your retirement. Asking for advice on what to do with my 'teenage' daughter once she reaches that stage. Giving you more 'apos' to spoil as there is only 1 so far. Attending my next graduation. Helping you send a lawyer to school and SO, SO MANY other PLANS.

 But sadly, that is not meant to be.

The PLANS will continue, but YOU will no longer be there to cheer for us. And that is something that we will MISS. 

Papa undoubtedly was the person we go to when we had academic problems, coz he was the one that could fix them. Until Math was too advance and he has no memories of it. But by that time, we are already in command of our lives, of ourselves. We no longer need Papa for academics, but for life-changing decisions, he was still the parent to call.

But MAMA is the person that we always look forward to talking with the most. With you, no experience was too weird. No happenings was to be censored, and no tale was too long for the telling. From high school crushes to college flirtations, to young working adult escapades. I have always shared the good, the bad and the ugly with you. Even if you laugh at me or with me, I always feel the happiness of being able to burden someone with these stories that made my life memorable or simply life.

Mama is the strong, silent support all through those years of hardships. She made it work without any complaints. At least not to her children. She always said "Samok man kaayo u brayt tanan imung anak, kay saba kaayo oi". Especially, if the 3 of us are in a 3-way debate and will not agree to disagree. But even through the reprimand, we feel the pride.

People always say, "Ayaw na kay anak na ni Martinez". Thinking that Papa is the disciplinarian, and are afraid of him. Sadly no! Words were Papa's weapon of choice and we have learned to give counter-arguments as we grew older. But Mama's brand of discipline includes whatever object is at hand. So we had tsinelas, silhig, silhig tingting, uway, binis-ak na kahoy, and belt are just few of the items that had the privilege to graze our butts. But the warning that stayed with me, even though it was not actually directed at me since she was talking to a neighbor was: "Uli-uli lang nga magdala ug apo nga wala pa kahuman kay dili jud kasulod sa gate". I took the warning to heart and never did try to do anything whilst in school.

The last time I was spanked by Mama was in elementary, and after that, she never really did call me aside for any misdemeanors. Part of the reason was, I was not at home most of the time really. I flew off the nest at age of 12 and never looked back, except for the visits during weekends, then during summer, and recently during Christmas. If not for Social Media the last few, our greatest regret would have been not being able to talk to Mama before everything.

The most heartwarming memory I have of Mama was when I was home on Christmas vacation and did not acclimate with the Bukidnon weather well. I was shivering from the cold. Literally shaking from head to toe. So she slept beside all through that night to keep me warm.

And so I  know that despite not really telling us words of love, Mama did love us.

After all, no one would wake up at dawn to cook you breakfast for a field trip. Or do your cross-stitch for you since you need it to take the exam. Or let you do all your homework without any housework since time is limited and all that.

I am sorry that I was not able to serve you in your last days, as this COVID problem is still in the way. I hope that even if it was not a pleasant passing as Papa's, you did not suffer long. 

It was not unexpected, coz we had a prior scare. But it is still a bitter pill to swallow. Especially that I felt that I had failed you in so, so many ways.

The only thing I could do now is to keep my promise and send your future lawyer to school.

And looking back to our last Christmas vacation, you did say. "Wala na man nay ulian diri c PJ".

You were not just talking about Papa, right? Or at least it feels that way now.

Anyhow, you always seemed to know these things. After all, you did tell me "Dili na di magdugay imung Papa" a week before he died.

And you also said "Nganong ma-stress? Dili lang gud ma-stress." the last time we spoke, 3 days before you left as forever.

And as everyone celebrates Mothers' Day, I hope that the cakes and ice creams we sent your way before were enough to show you that we appreciate the fact that you are our MOTHER.

And also happy that you are now together again :D

Daghang salamat sa pagbasa!!! :D