Today, I am supposed to be making progress on a term paper due by the end of the month. Or create a lesson plan due tomorrow, or start watching the videos and write an article due on Sunday.
If not these, I should have been adding module content for our Online Learning Management System.
I have a lot of things to do but my mind is a restless place, and I feel that it will not settle unless I put my scrambling thoughts to words and finally let them go.
No need to belt Elsa on me, that has already been replaced by her Into the Unknown songs that well I think is more appropriate for what is still in store for me.
As I close this decade, I cannot help but look back to the journey that made me who I am.
It has been fun, and it has been filled with lessons that never did stick, or maybe they did. Because as far as I'm concerned, I WAS and STILL IS Papa's Little Goody Two-Shoes.
I never planned to live with regrets. And I am happy that even if I did have what-ifs and I shouldn't have done those moments, generally my life has been strait-laced and clean :D <3
So let's start the first one, not that there are too many things to remember.
The first few years as a baby are just stories to tell. I was born in my Grandma's house and my head was too big, my uncles called me ET. I had a nanny growing up and I met her when I was older but can't really remember her.
I grew up in a 30-hectare farm, and as far as the eyes can see, all of those belongs to Papa. I remember being gifted a bike and learning how to ride one down a slope that was too dangerous and resulted in bruised knees and egos. But hey, I learned to ride.
I learned how to ride a cow, a carabao, a horse, and lead a carabao pulling a cart first to a spring some kilometers away to fetch water for drinking. And later to the Monterey compound, also a few kilometers away, when it was established. We lived without freshwater resource since a deep well was not a viable option. We lived without electricity because it was too far away from civilization.
I enjoyed living on the farm, especially during summer and the harvest season. We had lots of fruit trees, and climbing them was fun. Even 'stealing' from the neighboring farms and running away from the caretaker was fun.
We had long dips in the NIA- waters that run through the farm while munching on whatever fruit is in the season but sugarcane is the best. I think it's one of the reasons why I have such straight teeth.
Growing up on a farm is also chore-filled. We learned how to sow corn, plant rice, weed the garden, feed the dogs, clean the chicken house, and collect the eggs from ducks.
But mostly, I remember the separation during school days since I have to live with my Grandma during this time. Until Papa decided to move us from the farm permanently so that me and JV can focus on school.
And school has been my focus since.
I graduated first in class for Pre-school and was dubbed the bookworm since my nose is always buried in the fictional world, and sometimes non-fiction as well. I remembered being in a fistfight in 2nd grade since I was not able to answer a question posed by a classmate as I did not hear him at first, and when I did, did not really have an interest in the conversation. He ended up transferring to the public school, and we did not have any contact ever since. Such drama at such a young age. This was also not my last fistfight :)
But after that, all my classmates, there were only 9 of us, actually, leave me alone when I get like this.
I also remembered sleeping in a Math class and was made to answer Long Division in front of the class. It was actually OK because I think I was already on algebra at home when this happened. I think Papa wanted an engineer for me as a career but I was not into it though Math was tolerable. There was also the multiplication until 12x12 that we had to recite to the school director so he will sign our clearance.
I enjoyed living in the barrio even if it was not such a leap from the farm. At least, there was water and electricity which meant I can read far into the night.
The bookworm in me was happy, but the free-spirited girl who wants to laze all day among the trees was in contest. But it was for my best interest, so nothing was needed to be said.
And now to the 2nd one.
The 2nd decade was full of changes as well, and a lot of moving on my part. It was a decade of growing up and being independent. So a chronological order is a reasonable and rational way to expound on it.
Crushes and all that started in Grade 5 or 6. I had one as well. So I think I was normal enough teenager. I have no idea though if it was reciprocated. And I don't really wanna know. It was elementary, and not really important at the time:) I was too focused on thinking where I will end up since I don't really wanna go to the High School in the barrio.
So I graduated at the top of the class and has 2 science high schools to choose from. This was after receiving the rejection letter from Pisay. Of course, I picked the nearest one. But it still meant living in a boarding house.
Enrolling in CMULHS, opened doors for me. But I did not really explore any of them. I have spent too much time living in my fictional dreams that being faced with the reality was a challenge I was not ready for.
So the plays, contest, quiz bees, and all the stages offered were too much, and so I remained the loud kid that never really excelled in anything. I had one goal in High School and it was to consume all the books in the library. And I am proud to say, I was able to finish at least a whole section in the four years I stayed. Reading was and will always be my priority that speech and writing took a backseat. And the only piece I wrote was in the Horizon and was not even dedicated to me.
This is between finding out that volleyball is a sport I will never enjoy, and running is such a freeing thing to do.
Basketball is OK even if I am too short for it, and leave the chess to the Math whiz since I cannot really win against them.
Science Research was a surprise, we won 2nd in the Locals. It was unexpected, but we were glad for the experience. For the record, my groupmates in that research are now in the medical field. Not surprising since our research was on Fungi (Mushrooms) against Fungi (Tinea versicolor). That was also fun, we camped out in an internet cafe in the city doing research for RRL and finishing that paper.
With the 4 years stay in CMU High, I was just glad I remained in the first section all throughout. Even if it was too late, I managed to land in the top 10 right before we graduate but whose remembering.
I had my choice from the best schools, and all of them offered scholarships.
Which was a good thing, because if not for it, I wouldn't have been able to study in college.
Papa would have done his best, of course, but losing the farm was a devastating event in our lives. And financially we had suffered, though the parents tried to pass it off as not important.
But here comes college, and now I'm off to Visayas. To study in UP Miagao taking up Computer Science. Not my first choice, but the scholarship is kinda limited to sciences.
College, how to sum it up. Aside from the rigorous school works, which is expected. My college life was dedicated to making Elektrons the Best Org in the world. I was part of the Execom for 3 years, was active in the Komsai.Org, played sports during Pahampang, become a member of the Debate Team and joined some contests.
These days were also 'wild' days. Meet 'new friends', some of them controversial. Got myself a boyfriend, and it was a romance that lasted for 3 years. Learned how to smoke and drink, but did not really enjoy these things. So did not explore pot, drugs, and other vices deadlier than these.
But all in all, college made me met friends that are and hopefully will be friends for life. To add to my high school friends that are also for keeps.
And now for the last one.
At 21, I graduated from college. Started working for ESPC and worked with a fitness guru for 6 years.
At 22, I passed my Civil Service Exam, I met my now-husband and it has been a roller coaster ride until we got married at 26, and then we proceed to another roller coaster ride.
At 23, I enrolled for my Master's Degree in Math, as I cannot really see myself being a programmer in the long run especially with the shift to mobile development.
At 24, we bought our first property.
At 25, I graduated from my Master's Degree and pursued my Diploma in Teaching.
At 26, we built a house on our property and got married. I resigned from Eversun and started Teaching.
At 27, I passed the Licensure Exam, and we decided to have a baby.
At 28, PJ started living with us since she passed the UP High School exam. I started my PhD Degree on another scholarship.We became parents to a little girl, we named Ithlinne Aegli Van, and if she was a he, he would have been named Alistar Ray Von. Haha. Geek Parents. We also lost Nanay right after It-it was born, and Papa before Christmas. It was an eventful year.
At 29, we should have been in Indonesia but CoVid happened. So we are now starting on Online Learning which consumed my time.
At 30, today is the first day. And I am grateful for the people I can call my family, including super extended ones, that I do not really chat with all the time or contact at all. To my friends, who remained all these years, even with my 'shitty' and snobbish attitude towards them. To everyone that passed through my life and gave me life lessons. To the what-ifs that never happened like 'boyfriends', 'contests', and decision-making that was not done hurriedly but still made me question myself after like the 'running for CAS councilor'. The games and matches that would have been done differently. The job opportunities I did not grab. The travels I let slide. All the scenarios churning in my mind that could have ended differently.
But hey, not everything is a novel. Life is as good as we make it. One can never really have an ending unless one dies. And I think death is not yet in the cards for me, hopefully.
I still have a lawyer to send to school, a beauty queen to convince he needs to finish his degree, a husband to convince he is doing his best and has been for the last 8 years that we've been together, two mothers to pamper, a baby to mother and push towards her chosen path in the future, and hopefully a baby boy in the future if I am no longer torn between the different responsibilities I find myself in right now.
Also, I still need to decide what's best for me. Getting the degree is the start.
As it has been for the last 27 years.
I never really rested from school.
It's one level after the other. And I cannot seem to stop. And I do not really have anything to show for it.
No riches, not even glory.
Though I hope that my students did learn something from me, outside the lessons I gave.
One can only hope.
And as I breathe in the new age, the one where the calendar is no longer part of, I hope that my parents are PROUD of who I've become and will be as a daughter, a sister, and now a mother.
